Body of Water
by Arcania
Summary: Deeks comes to the office with a simple psych test. Sam is no longer the alpha male, and Hetty once again proves that she knows all. #1 in Psych one-shots. Does not have to be read chronologically.
1. One Shot

Disclaimer: Don't own the actual characters :)

Note: Just a little whimsical thing I thought of in the lives of our favorite agents. I'm not a writer, and have never published anything in my 6 years of being on this site, but I thought of this before I went to bed.

* * *

"This is not funny."

"Oh? I think it's hilarious. Big muscular guy like you… said a istream/i."

"I meant a big stream, okay?"

"Deeks is right, Sam. It is pretty funny."

"Oh, so now you're on his side?"

"Lighten up, Sam. It's just a silly psychological test."

"Wai - _Kensi_ telling someone to lighten up? Well you can't laugh at Sam…. Miss _Pond_.

"Ju – Just shut up Deeks."

Deeks continued to grin in amusement. While surfing the internet last night (one of the few nights he wasn't out and about), he found some story psychological tests that he just had to apply to the team. And it turned out to be hilarious, as usual.

When he arrived at the office, it was the first question he peppered them with before they could wake up fully from the coffee. Hey, it's their subconscious response that mattered, right?

Callen, of course, had to be the perfect, rugged alpha male and said Lake Michigan. Nell said a river, Kensi a big pond, and Sam….. a stream. Like one of those brooks you could barely get water from. Now everyone was picking on Sam. Hah! Deeks looked at the scene with smug satisfaction. Who's the alpha male now?

Of course he would never admit to anyone, ANYONE, that his first thought was that there was no body of water in the hypothetical forest….

A shrill whistle pierced the air. In the midst of the argument, everyone stared at Eric. He waved cheerfully at them, pointing towards Ops. "Case time, guys." He grew increasingly nervous as the team continued to stare at him.

Sam got an evil look on his face. "Eric…. Come down here for a second." Eric was frozen, shaking his head. Deeks found it funny that the only time his instincts was honed was when Sam did anything. "Err…. I think we can talk in Ops." "NOW Eric." "Okay okay! I'm coming. What's going on?"

"Imagine you're walking in a forest, near your home."

"Wha - ?"

"Just imagine!"

"Sheesh, okay okay, imagining…"

"You come across a body of water. What body of water is it?"

"Um… an ocean?"

Everyone stared at him. He grew defensive.

"What? I really like the beach! Plus, it's all around Los Angeles!"

Sam made an undefinable sound, but it sounded like someone killed his pet. Callen, Kensi, and Deeks couldn't hold it in any longer. They burst out laughing. Nell was grinning widely as well. Eric looked confused at all the reactions.

"Gentlemen, ladies, I believe we have a case to solve."

Everyone grew deadly still at Hetty's words.

"I don't think that seeing how big your sex drive is going to help you solve this case."

You could see the lightbulb go off on Eric's head. He started grinning. He made the connection. He picked ocean, and Sam… obviously picked something smaller.

"Now, everyone, Ops."

Everyone started moving, because Hetty was an immutable force.

"Oh, Mr. Hanna?"

Sam turned around from the middle of the stairs to face her. Everyone else quietly pretended to do something else while listening in.

"You have a lot of leave saved up, and I believe you should take a break for a week or two."

"What? Why Hetty? The team needs me – "

"I think your wife would appreciate you spending some time with her. I recommend the Soy candles from Naturalscents."

"Hetty – "

"I'll schedule you for a vacation Mr. Hanna."

Sam turned around to his team, who were as confused as he was. Then Kensi started making a choking noise. Deeks got ready to perform the Heimlich. Then she burst out laughing.

Sam grew irritated.

"What?"

She chortled, "Soy candles are aphrodisiacs for stimulating – "

She burst out laughing again. Everyone else started to grin as well, though many wondered how Kensi knew that off the top of her head. Deeks held back his comment. He could tease his partner in the car.

Sam sighed, pushing past everyone roughly to go into Ops.

"You know wh – I give up. Think whatever you want. But I just want to let you know that my wife and I have an amazing, extremely satisfying sex life – "

"That is good to know, Agent Hanna."

Everyone froze again to see Director Vance on the screen.

Sam closed his eyes and issued a single sentence.

"Fuck my life."

"MR. HANNA! LANGUAGE!"

"Shit."

"Mr. HANNA!"


	2. Chapter 2

A follow up one shot has been posted (Psychopath) so go check it out!


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